The Pitfalls Of Being A ‘Girl Gamer’

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010 at 10:06 am in Rants, Xbox Live · Comments

I hate the term ‘girl gamer’. In my eyes there should be no drama surrounding a girl with a penchant for killing dudes, yet specifically defining a woman who plays video games as a ‘girl gamer’ does just that.

When I attended Video Games Live in the summer of 2008, I watched as the host asked an excitable crowd of 2000+ geeks if there were any girl gamers attending. I sat idly, but the giggly girl next to me shot her arm into the air as if it were some kind of prolific achievement. Achievement Unlocked: You have a fucking vagina and enjoy Xbox. Well done.

A couple of nights ago as I was trudging through the Challenge mode in Batman: Arkham Asylum (which, by the way, is very hard), a message popped up from a GamerTag I didn’t recognise. I’m used to receiving messages and Friend Requests from randoms, and I can’t expect any less as I publish my GamerTag on my blog. I’ll always take the time to reply, as often it’s just someone saying they’ve read a post on here and agree, or someone asking for help in a game I’ve never played. But this night was unfortunately tarred by the breed of man who thinks that, because I’m a woman enjoying gaming, I must want to swap nude pictures with him. Well, I don’t. And if I did, I’d seek you out because I’m not afraid to ask for what I want.

Anyway, to cut what was a harmless exchange of messages short, he asked if I wanted to see his penis. This isn’t the first time I’ve been asked this over Xbox Live. In fact, I reckon about four or five men have asked me that question in the three years I’ve been on Xbox Live (on the bright side, at least they are polite enough to ask). I assumed this guy was just ‘all talk and no action’, so I sarcastically replied “Yes, please”. As I thought, I didn’t hear back from him… Until later in the night when I logged back on to find a picture message from him.

Okay, here’s where I cocked up (see what I did there?). After that message I knew there was a chance this was going to be something I didn’t want to see, yet I still clicked through. Kind of akin to a naked person running past you and yelling “Don’t look”, you know you’re going to look. And yes, there it was, his erect penis in all its odd looking glory.

I’ll hold my hands up and admit I ballsed up (see what I did there?), I shouldn’t have replied with what I did, and I paid the price for my sarcasm. But I still don’t think it’s an excuse to take pictures like that and send them to someone you don’t know over Xbox Live . So yeah, I reported him.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, there’s no magic formula surrounding a woman who enjoys games, and it’s such a shame that unwarranted attention is often turned to us as a result, sometimes negative. I don’t let experiences like that ruin Xbox Live for me, but I wonder why it’s such a big deal to be a girl who games. Ubisoft cash in on this with the Frag Girls, “a team of girl gamers” who’s purpose I’m still not quite sure of. Also, if you Google ‘girl gamers’, one of the auto completion suggestions is ‘in real life’. ZOMG, girls in real life who play video games! Quite frankly, it pisses me off that I’m even writing this.

I’m sure I could write a counter post titled The Advantages Of Being A ‘Girl Gamer’. A few people have admitted they only started reading my blog because I’m a girl, but the fact I know what I’m talking about with games kept them sticking around. But after seeing an ugly erect penis of a stranger on my 40″ HDTV, I’m sticking with pitfalls.

13 Responses to “The Pitfalls Of Being A ‘Girl Gamer’”

David

# March 2nd, 2010 at 10:33 am

Hey Ash

I don’t think you should have to make any excuses about playing games because you are a ‘girl gamer’, personally i think it is absolutely fantastic, wish i knew a girl gamer, it’s very rare i can even play xbox with a guy :)

Keep it up !
David

Christoffer Radsby

# March 2nd, 2010 at 2:12 pm

Well, girl gamers, I know several it’s not like it was a few years ago, the nerd/geek thing has become popular, a lot more girls playing video-games. I remember myself when I was young, I got teased because I liked video-games, mostly by girls. I remember one specific moment, a girl heard from a friend that I was training during the summer, she wondered what kind of training, and she then heard about my rigorous Counter-Strike clan training I was doing during the summer. The word got around. I just liked the tactical gameplay of playing in a clan.

Girl-gamers was a big deal back whenever, not anymore though. But it’s also very interesting to hear a girl’s perspective on video-game related things, even though the chance is that it’s not unlike guys opinion at all.

In the end I just want to share my passion for video-games with as many people that I can, I want to get to know their thoughts and opinions and talk about how we can change the world of games and the way we game.

Timothy

# March 2nd, 2010 at 3:06 pm

Hey, I see what you did there…

Adam

# March 2nd, 2010 at 8:52 pm

Well, it’s crass ignorance and immaturity isn’t it? I have some friends who are boys, some who are girls. I don’t know why PSN or Xbox Live should be any different. Although with gamertags or ‘handles’, it gives certain people that veil of anonymity whilst online, and they feel they can get away with anything. They then use that degree of anonymity to behave like complete dicks (see what I did there?).

Mel

# March 2nd, 2010 at 9:56 pm

Thank you!

The worst part about the whole I happen to wear a skirt bit about gaming is the constant harassment from idiot males asking if perhaps I’d like to see them nude… I did the same thing with a guy actually, but I didn’t get a message back haha.

It got to the point where I just pretended I was a guy and I didn’t get kicked out of games or asked if I wish to view a naked man… much. This year I decided to man up and stop pretending to be a guy, I’m a girl and I play games, who cares?

I still get stupid messages and constant harassment but they are just people who probably have no real social life anyway <3

Rockers Delight

# March 3rd, 2010 at 1:16 pm

@David Funnily enough, it’s rare for me to know any guy gamers too. I mean, I have lots of Xbox Live friends, but hardly any of my real life friends are gamers.

@Christoffer I wish more people were like you :(

@Adam Yep, these types of people must be socially inept to make such a big deal out of it. Maybe the issue wouldn’t be so bad if there wasn’t that veil of anonymity to hide behind. But there is, so I have to deal with shit like this.

@Mel Haha, lucky you called his bluff. I thought I had done the same. Some people do react positively in the lobby to female gamers. Like, when I used to play Rainbow religiously, some guys would be blown away to see I was a female finishing at the top of the leaderboard, others would kick me out. And yes, these people are those who have no social life, therefore no concept of interacting with other human beings. Shame, really.

Aaron Bassett

# March 3rd, 2010 at 1:35 pm

This is just blatant sexism and completely unfair!

Where are the random stranger girls on xbox live asking me if I want to see their naked bits? Bloody double standards! ;)

Colin

# March 3rd, 2010 at 3:28 pm

Ash, I think reporting him was a bit out of line.

From what you’ve written, he asked if you wanted to see his penis, you told him ‘yes please’, so he showed it you; and you reported him for it. If you told him to fuck off and he still showed it, then you’d have the right to report him, but instead, you’ve just reported some guy for doing what you asked him to. Regardless of it being sarcastic or not, you still asked him, and sarcasm is a bit hard to pick up over text.

On an unrelated note, it is unfair that theres a stigma attached to girls that game.

Rockers Delight

# March 4th, 2010 at 9:54 am

@Aaron What’s your GamerTag? ;)

@Colin Dude, I hardly asked if I could see his penis. “Stranger, can I see your cock?” isn’t really my style. If this guy is wanting to show off his erection to a woman he’s had no prior contact or connection with, he’s likely doing it to any girl given half the chance. People like that need reported. It’s because of people like that the Xbox Live feedback system is implemented in the first place.

On an unrelated note, which is actually related given that’s what my post was about, yes, it’s very unfair there’s a stigma attached to ‘girl gamers’, but I don’t think matters like the Frag Dolls are helping. Nor leaderboards that specifically cater to women etc. Basically anything that separates us from male gamers.

Andrzej

# March 4th, 2010 at 9:55 am

I’m not really into dividing gamers into that boy/girl thing, rather I’d divide them into asshats and true gamers.

My xbox live friends list is short and I like it that way, since most of those people I get requests from are stupid to say the least. It always leaves me … I’m not sure… maybe angry(?), maybe sad(?) to hear all the trash talk while playing online (asshats). That’s mostly the reason why I don’t use a headset or when I do I quickly mute it and why I don’t seek too many “friends” on Xbox Live. Hell, most of the people on my friends list are people I know in real life and meet often.

On the topic of girls thought… everyone gets excited when they see a girl gamer - yeah, maybe that’s because girls mostly don’t throw shit towards you every time they get killed/overtaken/whatever. You could even assume that ‘girl gamers’ are more passionate about gaming itself, not necessarily winning the competition all the time. Not looking to far for an example - our well known Ash :) (true gamer)

Well and about that penis - you’ve got served Ash and you know it ;) Of course that doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t appropriate to say the least, but I’m guessing that people like him are simply everywhere.

Rockers Delight

# March 4th, 2010 at 9:59 am

@Andrew Damn right I got served! I shall follow the route I have done in the past and ignore these types of men, because, unfortunately, they are out there. I’m with you 100% about dividing gamers into asshats and true gamers as opposed to gender. It’s very old fashioned, look at how mass market gaming is these days — even grandparents are into it (according to Nintendo).

badalki

# March 5th, 2010 at 9:48 am

I have observed over time that there are 4 types of male gamers:
1. the old deer in headlights - this particular species has played games for many years, long before it became mainstream for girl gamers to exist. They are not used to this ‘new’ phenomenon and therefore whenever confronted with a situation that places them in the vicinity of a ‘girl gamer’ they are like a deer in headlights. Frightened and confused and thusly, default to 12 year old mentalities.
2. pervs - need little explanation but suffice it to say, they have an xbox live vision camera and know how ot use it. I shudder to think what they’ll do with project natal if it ever comes out.. no doubt many a girl gamer will be seeing penises in all their infrared glory appearing in their inboxes.
3. the immature - this breed encompasses all ages, unsuprisingly many of us guys are sad little people who have had limited contact with this ‘girl’ gender you refer too. It frightens and excites them at the same time, often leaving them gaming nervously in a puddle of their own urine and self - loathing, projected onto those they game with with such classic and witty pulizer award winning zinngers such as “fag” and “nu-uh” or “cheating n00b! ima gonna report you! *sniff*” and of course the timeless classic “muuuuuum!”
4. the normies - perhaps the rarer of the 4, this particular breed enjoys gaming and doesnt care who with, as long as they can enjoy the game and have fun, making new friends is always a bonus but perhaps their most important objective is enjoying one of their favourite pasttimes.

I applaud your ability to deal with the first 3 types i described with grace and humour and being able to just shrug it off. If i were receiving pictures of dicks on my xbox i would not handle it so well, although i am sure there is a ‘dick in a box’ joke in there somewhere.

Kristine

# March 10th, 2010 at 1:38 pm

I was just linked to your blog, and this post stood out..

I was at Stoneleigh Park last summer for i37, and there was a great fuss made over the numbers of “girl gamers” in attendance.. at some point I was approached by a radio presenter and his cameraman - they were picking out girls to interview.

They wanted to know what I thought about there being so many girls at the event, but didn’t seem to be able to accept my reply which was along the lines of “I think there are more girls here this time, but I don’t really care”. Poor guy just blinked, asked something else, and then repeated the same question.

For me, I hate the assumption that we’re all there to seek attention, or try and fit in with the other half’s hobbies, rather than just the simple fact we’re there to play games.

I think though, confronted by an offer of penis pictures, I would have just blocked the sender - but then I’m maybe more cautious by nature anyways :)

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